Homesick

I apologize in advance, but today's entry is mostly a chance to vent.  So, if that does not interest you, don't read any further.

I miss home.  My childhood home in NY.

I can't get over the fact that we had to sell it, and that it won't be my home anymore.  And yet, I also miss my new home too.

 I miss my family, and while I love my husband and our home here in CO, and the life we have together, I hate that I can't live closer to them in NY.

 I miss my pets.  Don't get me wrong, I love the three I have now, but I miss the ones I left behind, and I'm upset that I couldn't be home to say goodbye to the ones that we've lost since I moved...

 I miss the NY nature.  All of the trees, the rocks, the streams, the weather, and the fresh middle of nowhere air...

I miss being able to have a huge vegetable garden and water that I don't have to filter before I drink.  I miss fresh venison for supper all the time and my Aunt Rita's pumpkin pie.  I miss Grandma calling me up on the phone and asking if I could run down the hill to hang her curtains or put in her storm windows for winter.  I miss family property and being allowed to walk wherever the hell I want to walk, whenever I feel like it.  I miss the smell of hay on my cat's fur when I would pet her.  I miss blueberry picking, and creaky old houses, floods and collecting firewood for the winter.  I miss hearing my chickens every morning.  I miss Grandma setting off fire crackers in her front yard and scaring our dogs.  I miss the back roads and the small town, and running into old friends at the grocery store.  I miss my job at the library.  I miss Manor's awesome chinese food, because the chinese food out here just sucks.  I miss being able to climb trees, and hike through the woods in my leather boots and pirate shirt.  I miss Mom's cooking, and family gatherings at Grandma's house where you never know if you might get hit by a flying dinner roll.  I miss the 3 feet of snow, the colored leaves, and all the flowers in the spring.  I miss living in the middle of freaking nowhere, where my only neighbors were family and close friends, and even then you had to walk at least 3 minutes to reach the nearest house.  I miss babysitting my little cousin Conner, even though he is a little terror and I usually have to sit down with a heating pack on my neck after watching him for the day.  I miss my gravel driveway, and Grandma yelling at me for walking everywhere barefoot.  I miss having no internet (weird, I know), and still having a million other things I could do without it.  I miss my bookshelves and my random collected trinkets.

I miss sitting on the highest point of the roof and just admiring the scenery, and I miss when the cats would join me.  I miss camping in the middle of the woods under the stars and listening to Grandma rant about how we would get eaten by bears.  I miss taking random photos with my sister, no matter where we were.  I miss visiting Trina on her dairy farm, and baking with Anne in her mother's kitchen.  I miss home movies and Grandma's fried potatoes, Mom's artwork, and Dad's secret venison jerky recipe.  I miss sewing and designing my own dresses, and then wearing them to work because the ladies at the library didn't mind.  I miss Aunt Mary trying to teach us to cook, but always choosing recipes that we didn't like.  Haha.  I miss Aunt Jeannie always asking that we come and take pictures of her dogs, and Aunt Beth giving us free hair cuts and telling us to move out of town.  I miss Grandpa and his old time stories that took hours to tell.  I miss visiting Dad's side of the family and letting everyone look at my sketchbooks and tell me how weird my art was.  I miss apple picking every year with Dad and Eva, baking fiascoes with my sister when Mom's not home, and Mom always having to remind me to wash the dishes.  Yuck! 

I just miss home.  My first home.  I have nothing against where I live now, and honestly, I am very happy with my life.  I have a wonderful husband, two very strange cats, and an annoying dog. We live comfortably, but too close to the city, and we have too many neighbors who are all strangers to me.  Right now we don't have much of a choice.  My husband is in the army, and until he is out we can't really move too far. 

Still...he would like to continue living in CO once his contract is up...
He says he never wants to move back to NY, but I do, and I don't know how to convince him otherwise.  I know that he is very adaptable, but I am not, and I've already been away from the things I know and love, the things that I grew up with, and the things that I am most comfortable around, for far too long. 

I guess I still have two years to convince him...