Rethinking Life As I Know It

Life as of late is really getting me down. 

My daughter is beautiful and amazing, and here I am raising her in a dump house full of material...well...shit.  It makes me sad.  What makes me even more sad is that I want it to change, but I know my husband won't want to give up his material STUFF to help me out. 

Why is it that we feel the overwhelming need to keep things that we never use and that hold no emotional value to us? 

My husband has 4 gaming systems.  Yes. 4.  How many does he use?  Only the one.  So why do we still have 4 of them?  Because he might want to use one of the other 3 someday on a whim.  Really?  REALLY?! 

I am to the point in my life where I've had it with stuff and I want it gone.  I want a simple life with just the things I need and use, and a few extras that hold emotional value to me, like my old flannel shirt.  Will I ever wear it? No.  But it belonged to my Grandpa and therefore is being kept in a place of honor in my home.  But that shelf of board games I never play, those clothes I never wear and have no desire of recycling into new ones, the excess of plates in my cupboard when all we use lately is paper plates anyway...  Its just downright depressing, and if I say so myself, freaking disgusting. 

My goal for the rest of the year... Clean out all of this crap and start living simpler. 

Here goes...

Changes

This is me, considering a total makeover of my blog.  I'm hardly ever on here, because I've tried writing "topics".  That's the first thing that's going to have to change, I think.  I'll write a lot more often if I stop over-thinking and just write.  Probably a whole new look is in order, but we'll see.  I have a good friend to thank for the idea, since she just made over her blog recently, thus reminding me that "Hey, I still have one, don't I?" Haha.  Hopefully within the next few days this whole blog will be completely re-done.  Stay tuned.

Halloween

Its no secret--fall is one of my favorite times of year.  Right along with that comes Halloween, my most favorite holiday, and not entirely for the reasons everyone would think.  You think Halloween, you think costumes, candy, and jack-o-lanterns--all of which are awesome, mind you--but not many people realize that Halloween is about our ancestors and respect for our dead as well.  In Mexico its even called "Dia de los Muertos" or Day of the Dead.  Long before my history and ancestors became important to me, I found this fascinating.  Today, while I fully enjoy the costumes and sweets, I also take the day to remember those who came before me.  Sadly, I don't think enough people in today's world even realize the true meaning of the holiday, let alone care.  Here's hoping that some of you will remember your ancestors tomorrow, and not lose yourself in the parties, costumes, and candy...

In honor of my ancestors, here are a few of the photos I have of them. 

 Great Great Grandma Edith.

 Great Great Great Grandma Henrietta "Ett."

 Great Grandma Caroline, for whom both my mother and I were named, with my Grandfather, his half sister, and his adopted sister.

Great Grandma Mary and Great Grandpa John.

Great Grandpa Lester and his brothers.

If I Were Home...

If I were home in New York today, I know exactly what I'd like to be doing. 

I'd have the windows in the whole house thrown open to let in the fresh autumn air.  I'd be baking apple and pumpkin pies while I watch colorful leaves flutter on the trees outside.  Once the pies were set out to cool I'd take a walk and enjoy the day.  I'd harvest some pumpkins and rake some leaves.  As usual, I'd take lots of pictures. 

Its a shame I won't be heading home for a while yet.  Somehow, I think some fresh air and simple activities would make me feel a lot less icky most days.

 

Changes

Eek! It has been nearly 6 months since I wrote anything here. I feel so ashamed.  I will try to update more often in the future.

For today though, I'm sticking with a simple post about some big changes in my life. 

I am happy to say that I am expecting a little on in April of next year!  Everything I think of these days has to do with the precious little baby growing in my belly.  I'm crocheting baby blankets, thinking of sewing myself some maternity clothes for winter, and constantly wondering what it will be like to meet the little one in April.

I've done a few of my own maternity photos, as I am not far along, and I don't like the conventional photos that everyone else does.  I'm going with the "How big is your baby this week compared to fruit" list I found online.  Here are the photos I have so far for weeks 7 and 8.

Spring, Home, and Other Things

Again, it has been far too long since I have posted anything here.  Winter has come and gone, and now its Spring, mostly. I am working now, in a library and I love it there.  However, I am still as homesick as ever.  I cannot wait to leave this state where things are in a constant state of chaos, and return to the country where things make more sense.  Plus I cannot wait to have a garden where no one can tell me what I can and cannot plant.  I can't wait to have a lawn that has enough grass to mow.  And I definitely cannot wait to have views of mountains, green trees, and farmland again.  I cannot wait to be myself again and live freely in the countryside away from all the madness of the city. I just have to keep telling myself...soon...soon...

I can't wait to get back to being me.

A New Season

I know I have not posted much as of late, and I do apologize.  As I have been quite often lately, I'm in a bad place emotionally and I don't know how to fix it.  Depression does that, I guess. 
But, Spring is on its way...Just a little bit longer now!  I'm starting to find signs of it here and there.  The chickadees are starting to sing their "Phoebe" song, the grass by the stream side is turning a weak green, and we've even had a rain shower.  What's more, I can smell spring in the air.  Its faint here, not like home, but its unmistakable.
And, coming with spring, I will be starting a new job.  Finally! After a year of searching, I have been hired by the Pikes Peak Library district as library help.  It is the perfect job for me, and I am so excited.
Now, if only I can kick this homesickness and make it through one more year in this place, I will be fine.
That said, I am off to my garden room to watch my peas and cucumbers grow.  I need the greenery.